Again.............

Well, she tore out the IV catheter in her lavage system AGAIN.  I had to have my vet out AGAIN to fix it.   I am probably going to have to have her eye sewn shut AGAIN because her blink reflex is not good enough to keep her eye moistened.  I don't think she is making any tears yet. Her eye closes about half way and the top part is getting moistened by all the medicines that we are shoving into the system.  The bottom part of her eye is still too dry and she can't close it enough to let the medicines cover it.

I think I owe every vet in the area a ton of money.  I am a teacher and I don't make a lot of money.   There are going to have to be some tough decisions made in the next month.  I have, honestly, spent nearly $10,000 on this so far.  I say spent but it is more like "charged" and I am making payments to the vets that will take them.

It may come down to just giving up and having her eye removed.  This one large expense may be cheaper than trying to save her eye.  We could go through all this and still have to remove it anyway.

I am so tired. This is so stressful.  I don't know what to do and no one can advise me because no one knows.  Her eye could be better in a day, a week, six months, a year, or never.  Be prepared for this if you have to go through this.    Her eye is in a terrible amount of pain and we are doing EVERYTHING that we can to get through this.

If anyone has dealt with this, I could sure use some help. Please tell me your experience with all of this.  I am holding onto my last thread of hope.

Two steps forward, one step back

We had to put the lavage system back into her eye.  Even thought her eye looks terrible, it is healing.  She had such bad corneal ulcers and we had such a hard time getting the medicine into her eye that this is just going to be easier.  The wonderful horse ophthalmologist came out and took very good care of us.  He was able to get everything all taken care of and reassured us.  Now we have all the little medicines in a row and can get the stuff in her eye through the little line instead of trying to cram a metal tube of ointment into her very sore eye.  She is still eating like a pig and drinking well.  Her ear is a little bit off and her bottom lip is still a little bit droopy but she looks good and is gaining the weight back from her hospital stay.  They fed her but she wasn't able to eat very well so she lost some weight.

When I get to the end of this blog, someday,  I will try to recount some of the things that now lead me to know that she was showing me signs for quite a while.  She did little things that were not really "stand-outs"  but now mean something.  I will hold back on these signs and such until the end because I don't want you to think that just because you horse does one of these little things, it isn't necessarily a definite sign that something is wrong.

Good night for now.

Prayer and time

She hates getting medicine in her eye.  The vet says her eye looks good but I think it looks terrible. It is red and angry and cloudy all at the same time.  He is coming out tomorrow to see if the ointments are doing their jobs.  If not, the lavage goes back into her eye.  The horsey eye doctor will come to the ranch to put it back in so she won't have to go back into the trailer and back to San Luis Rey hospital.  My sister has me on every prayer list that she can come up with.  I need those prayers.  Please join her and give us a shout out to God for some miracle healing here.

Sometimes disasters are a blessing in disguise

My real vet came to see Truffles today.  He was there to either repair or remove the lavage system.  When he took off her mask, he noticed that her eyelid was moving!  That was a great thing!  That means she could probably blink now.  It was a true blessing from God!  I was not holding much hope in a speedy recovery as I am an eternal pessimist. He gave her a "la la" shot and had to give her another because she was still too wiggly for removal of stitches in the eye.  Here is a lovely shot of her using the wall to hold herself up.

Too many happy shots

My vet removed the stitches in her eye and she actually blinked! Not once, but twice. Then he took the staples out of the underside of her head and the incision was clean and very nicely healed.  When she finally "came to," I gave her her favorite mush to eat and a lovely warm-water bath.  See how much better her lip looks in this shot.  It still tweaks a little from time to time.

much perkier now

See my lip?  It's getting better

 Now we have to wait to see if she is making any tears to lubricate her eye. Right now we are having to put ointments and such into her eyes on the same regiment as before.  I hope she makes tears soon because she really hates  being messed with.

So as upset as I was over the torn tubing, yesterday.  It all worked out for the better because we got to remove the whole thing from her eye.  Funny thing was the 2 corneal ulcers were healing nicely but the lavage system was causing another.  This may not be the case for all lavage systems, just her situation.

I am gaining some hope that we will conquer this problem and that I will get my riding horse back.  I think it will take a while before I can ride her. My vet will tell me when he thinks it is safe to do so and I will ask for assurance that this thing is solved and that nothing will "grow back" or anything like that.

Add another log to the fire, we're gonna be here a while

This evening she decided to break the tubing for her lavage system in her eye.    It just keeps getting piled deeper, doesn't it.  I am waiting for the horsey ophthalmologist to call back to tell me how to tell my vet how to fix it.  I am not sure if it is worth fixing or not.  I have a ton of questions about this.   It is in place so that we can treat the corneal ulcers in her eye from not being able to blink for a time as this condition began to rear its ugly head.  So have these ulcers healed sufficiently enough in the 2+ weeks that the system has been in her eye to warrant taking out the lavage system.  I can see keeping her eye sewn shut to help until she can blink again but I don't know about the eye system. We are running the risk that she could damage her eye with it in. Especially if she keeps breaking it.  I hope someone has some answers for me by morning.  I won't sleep because I will let this bother me all night.

...an even sunnier evening

I just wanted to add in a little bit more from this evening.  I went to the ranch to give her the 6:00 p.m. medicine and I noticed that her lip was a little straighter.  Her ear is still a little frozen and that bottom lip hangs a bit on the side but I will take any small improvement.  I am not saying that I won't go back in the morning to find her lip crooked again but I will take this small blessing for this evening and deal with the troubles of tomorrow when and if they come.

A sunnier day

Truffles was a little perkier today.  She still requires medicine to be injected into the lavage system in her eye. We have to do this 4 times a day... every 6 hours.  It is a blessing that I have a wonderful friend who is helping me and I am still on summer break. I don't know what I will do when school starts... :(  I don't want to think about that now.
Truffles tried to trot along on our walk this morning.  I thought that was great. Her face is still droopy but she is able to eat her alfalfa and her mush that we make from Integrity Senior Horse food. She likes it very much, or should I say "very mush!"
My regular vet will be back by the end of the week so I can't wait to ask him about all this eye medicine and how long we will have to squirt it into the system.  I think the medicine is for the corneal ulcers and I don't know how long those take to heal.  I know her eye will stay sewn such until she can get her blink back. I wonder if her eye will stay moistened without having the lavage system in there.  I will have to wait to answer that question.
In my 40 years of owning horses, I have never heard of such a thing as she is going through (I still can't pronounce it or spell it without looking) and neither have my friends.
This is the reason I am journaling this long process.  If you must endure this I hope that this blog will give you help and comfort. I don't know how long this is going to take but I expect ups and downs and a very lengthy blog. If you are reading this and have had to deal with this, I would love to hear from you.

a long row to hoe............

You can sort of see the lavage system that is sewn INTO her eye.  The tube allows us to inject the medicine into her eye without getting too close to it.  You can see her droopy and swollen lip from this angle. I'm sure she is in better condition that other horses with this "thing" but it is still hard for me to deal with.  She is eating, drinking, and pooping which are the essentials for a pretty healthy horse so I guess I should be counting my blessings.  ...more later.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.....

Well, we brought her home from the hospital yesterday.  It has been really hard on her because they had us stop all the pain meds so that her kidneys wouldn't suffer.  It has been really hard on all of us because she has to have medicine every 6 hours and my dear friend is taking the midnight shift for me.  I feel guilty about that. She figures that since she lives there it would be easier for her than for me because I would have to drive up the mountain in the middle of the night.  She is such a blessing to me.  I am taking the early morning and the dinner time shift.  Poor Truffles really doesn't feel well.  I know that she is in pain because she isn't being a PAIN.  She is a people horse and is usually in everyone's business and now she just stands there.  We are taking her for walks and trying to figure what method of feeding would work best for her.  Sarina finally decided to soak her hay in a tub and that has made it much easier for her to eat it.  She is getting soaked alfalfa pellets with some Integrity Senior food with molasses.  She likes that better than the other senior feed because it has smaller pieces in it which are easier to chew.  She broke her halter by hooking it on her stall. We usually never keep a halter on a horse but her eye protection mask is attached to it and there is just no other way. She has an irrigation system sewed into her eye because she still cannot blink.   I got a halter today that did not have any hooks on it and that should help. My leather halter is too close a fit to be comfortable on the staples under her jaw.

Sometimes I get really depressed and wonder if I am putting her through unnecessary pain and suffering.  I just look at how pathetic she is. I know she is hurting.  I keep getting reassurance that she will heal but I am such a pessimist that I struggle with that much faith.  I will feel better when my regular vet comes back from his vacation in Wyoming.  Then, I will know if I am doing the best for my little girl.

I sure could use some encouraging words from anyone who has dealt with this.  I feel very alone and am suffering right along with my horse.  Dealing with a problem that I cannot even pronounce.  :(

This week

Every day she seems to be improving.  Her eye is still sewn shut  until she can blink and make tears again.  Her swelling has reduced and she has been able to keep her tongue in her mouth.  She hates the mushy stuff that they are giving her  and still has trouble with her lips being askew which makes it hard for her to pick up the food well.  I gave her a "cookie" and she was able to chew it up on the left side of her mouth.  I got permission to sprinkle so equine senior food on the mush and she was eating it.  (She is a princess, you know)  I caught this early, which is fortunate for me.  I didn't wait around to make a decision to have the surgery.

I can't speak for everyone and cannot even imagine all the situations that you may be going through. I am writing this because my precious princess is going through something terrible that I didn't even know existed; I can't even pronounce it; and I hope to tell you what I am going through day by day to help you.  that she will recover and I will keep you posted in case you have to deal with this terrible thing.

Day 2

I cheerfully hopped out of my truck and almost skipped to her stall ( I'm a little old to be skipping ;) ).  I just happened to look as the stall door and noticed that a different halter was hanging on the door.  I looked at the helper and I could see the look on his face and I knew there was something wrong.  He told me that she was "over there."  I tried to talk to myself and say that she was probably getting an x-ray or a bath or a walk or SOMETHING! ...that nothing was wrong.  I walked into the barn and I almost dropped.  She was spinning around in the stall, her tongue was hanging completely out of the side of her extremely swollen mouth and foam and slobber were everywhere.  Two people were working on affixing the IV bags to her and there was the most horrible smell EVER coming from the stall.  That was it for me.  I started crying pretty much hysterically.  Everyone was busy, no one would tell me what was going on.  There were other surgical emergencies and the main vet was tied up in the surgery area.  I thought my horse was dying and there was no one to tell me what was going on.  I called everyone of my friends and my husband and asked them to come to stay with me.  Someone finally came to talk to me (seemed like a year later, but it wasn't).

It seems that the second day after the surgery is the worse.  I think someone told me that but I couldn't hear them.  I was too messed up over all of this.    Everyone was finally out of the stall and it was just Truffles and me.  It seems that the swelling was causing her to not be able to retract her tongue, she was only spinning around because she was scared of all the commotion with the gigantic bags of stuff and the terrible smell was the DMSO that they had in one of the IVs.  If you know what DMSO is, you understand.  I think I can still taste it.

Surgery day

The surgery that she needed was one to remove a portion of the hyoid bone to relieve the pressure on the nerves that would save her life.  I am not a vet so I don't understand why, when, where or anything about the reason for going to another bone to fix a different area so I am going to have to trust that they know what they are doing.   I don't even know if I am spelling anything right so please bear with me.  I had to wait to go to see her because I didn't know what time they were going to operate on her so I went to a local restaurant to wait until visiting hours.  I really didn't want to eat but I knew it would upset my husband if I didn't.  I hurried and ate and found myself wiggling my foot in anticipation of his finishing his meal.  I love my husband but I wanted to jump up and grab him by the shirt and shake him, screaming, 'COME ON, LET'S GET OVER THERE!"  He is a great man and knew that there was nothing I could do by pacing around in front of her empty stall making myself sick.  When we finally arrived, she was standing in her stall looking, of course, drugged but she recognized me right away and nickered to me.  I spent some time loving her up and promising cookies and long walks when she came home in 5 days.  5 days...nope, it wasn't going to be that easy.

What???

The doctors at San Luis Rey x-rayed Truffles skull and brought me into the office to see what was going on.  I knew that the minute she asked to have the "owner" sit down ( as I had brought a contingency with me for support) that this would not be good.  They showed me the x-ray and it looked like there was a golf ball inside her head around the area of her eye.  I didn't hear much after that.  I was pretty upset.  I heard words like surgery, euthanasia, dangerous and no other choice.  My beautiful little girl was not going home tonight.  I looked at my husband and prayed that he wouldn't see the price tag on all of this.  We are not rich, we just have a horse.  I don't know what I said or did or what a must have looked like at that moment but I went out side and called my vet.  My REAL vet; the one who has stood by my side through my trek with horses for the last 20 years.  He and I have a code.  He cannot advise me but he will always tell me what to do if it were "his horse."  He told me that there had been a ton of success with this surgery that they were proposing and without it she would just become an unpredictable and potentially dangerous horse.  The pressure of all the arthritis, and bone growth cause other bones to pinch off nerves and she could break the base of her skull just by whinnying to me.
I was toast then.  I couldn't think anymore.  It looked like my decision was to have the surgery or to put her down.  My husband made the decision for me.  She would have the surgery the next day and we would say goodbye to his credit card.

The journey through Temporohyoid osteoarthropathy

I don't even know how to begin.  I was blindsided with this horrible condition and I didn't even know it was coming.  As I think back, I can't really even come up with anything that may have indicated that she had anything wrong with her.  I rode her on a Friday, and by Monday we were at San Luis Rey Equine Hospital in the midst of a disaster.
Truffles is a 16.3 hand appaloosa with no spots (unless you shave her to the skin and look at her mottled skin.) Although I knew her since she was a baby, I didn't buy her until she was 4, when my other horse passed away.  She is a fabulous horse.  She is such a people-horse and will spend time with you as more of a friend than a horse.  I love how she side passes to me so that I can get on from a pipe stall or a log or anything.  It's like an invitation to mount up and let's go for a ride.
On Friday, she seemed a little less excited about taking a ride and I mentioned to my husband that she seemed a little off.  She had just gotten her new shoes (she loves new shoes and thinks they are from Nordstroms, shhh, don't tell her) and it was pretty hot out so I just dismissed is as environmental.  By Saturday night, she seemed a bit off (she is NEVER sick)  My wonderful friend, who keeps my horse at her house)  contacted the vet and did all the proper things for a potential colic.  But all her vital signs were normal.  By early Sunday morning she was not really any better so we called out the vet. (yep, Sunday emergency vet calls are so expensive.)  He examined her and noticed that her eye was a little droopy.  Her vital signs were still normal but he noticed she had a corneal ulcer.  She had torn off her shoe and we thought she might have gotten cast in her stall and scratched her eye.  She had been mouthing her coronet band like it itched or hurt or something so the vet thought she might have an abscess.  He tubed her and gave her some fluids and some oil.  We got some ointment for her eye, wrapped her hoof and gave her a nice bran mash.  I hand walked her three times a day from Sunday morning to Monday afternoon to get things moving.  My Monday afternoon she seemed a little better.  I put her on the cross-ties to change her hoof wrap and then I saw it.  The entire side of the right side of her face was very swollen and her lips were weird.  The top lip pointed oddly to the left,  the right side of her lower lip was drooping about an inch and a half lower than normal and the top of her mouth was very swollen.  It looked like she had a golf ball in her mouth.
We immediately called my usual vet and had him come out.  He knew immediately what I was dealing with and loaded my horse in the trailer and we went off to San Luis Ray Equine Hospital.  If it was good enough for Seattle Slew, it was a good enough place for me!  I knew they would get to the bottom of this and we'd be home with some medicine by that night! Right?????????????